The INTP: Sex, Dating, and Love

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December 18, 2015 by philipbullitthughes

The INTP is perhaps the most peculiar personality type of all. Of course, that’s definitely not a bad thing. In fact, they wouldn’t have it any other way—usually wearing their uniqueness as a badge of pride. To the outside observer, it might seem that this would present some challenges for the INTP when it comes to the dating scene. And it might, that is, if they cared about pleasing types who found their oddities unappealing. Fortunately for them, they tend to be attracted to (and attract) personalities that absolutely love their quirks. Thus, the world of love actually can be an easier place for them to navigate than many types.

INTPs usually don’t care much about how they dress or how they look, and thus are usually drawn to environments where they feel free to be themselves—the local comic book store, a book club, a classroom and the like. There, they are likely to catch the eye of some NF or NT who appreciates their vivid imaginations, slicing wit, and intelligent discourse. It is in these places that the INTP is most likely to find a mate. Usually, this starts off as a friendship—someone with whom they are able to share their inner world—one of friendly debate, Star Wars conventions, and a discussion of their most recently digested novel or a fascinating theorem. Oddly, the INTP rarely approaches these companions with anything in mind other than friendship. It’s not that they don’t care for romance. It just usually doesn’t enter their heads right away. Inevitably, however, time will fly by, and they find themselves hearing a confession of love. Rarely does the INTP initiate the ‘talk.’ That’s not due to a lack of interest, per se, but usually is due to the fact they attract the glib extrovert.
Once a person earns the INTPs affection, the INTP is fiercely loyal to them and love with extreme depth. Despite these facts, they are often reluctant to speak words of love to their mate. Not that they don’t feel it. The INTP just has distaste for being redundant or stating the obvious, and can feel a subtle sense of irritation if a mate comes across as needy. All individuals, the INTP believes, should be independent, and if a person comes across as anything less, the INTP finds it utterly repellent.

That said, the INTP is usually even-tempered and compliant, making them easy to live with (unless their ideals are trod upon, and then they can take up arms as the fiercest of warriors.) They keep their emotions and desires to themselves, and while that may make them seem insensitive at times, that is that is far from the truth. INTPs are often highly sensitive; but they do not have much patience for illogical emotion, and will often request a rationale for their mate’s unreasonable statements and actions. Requests that might frustrate the more emotional mate as emotions can be difficult to quantify. But, fortunately for the INTP, if they approach understanding their mate as they might a text book or equation, they can learn to read their desires and comprehend their expressions with relative ease.

For the INTP, sex is as much about imagination as it is about the physical, and more often than not, their sexual encounters become threaded with overtures and subtle symbolism. Sex is not simply a release of tension or playfulness—it is an expression of mental closeness. Their mind and body must be aroused. In truth, the INTP finds it difficult to respond sexually if they do not feel intellectually stimulated by their partner, and will eschew someone they might find dimwitted or dull.

A common pitfall for the INTP is that they can become so heavily wrapped up in their inner world that they forget their about their mate’s needs. If you happen to have an INTP in your life, a gentle reminder tends to do the trick to pull them back into reality. They appreciate blunt honesty, and because they become so deeply entrenched in their own heads, they might not pick up on subtle cues. If you want to converse with your INTP mate, then try to avoid small talk. It bores them and they tend to point out any flaws and frivolous details. Instead, try to explore the world of ideas with them—philosophy, theory, music, and lore. Of these things, the INTP will talk for hours.

If you are an INTP, and the whole concept of dating and love seems daunting, fear not. Let your easygoing, bright, charming personality do the work for you. All you need to do is be in the right place. The right person will be attracted to it; if you’re patient, you will be rewarded. But remember, once in a relationship, reach out to your mate rather than waiting for them to do so. Try to remember that expressions of love are not frivolity, especially to an NF. It may be difficult…and even annoying, but saying ‘I love you,’ goes a long way.