February 12, 2016 by philipbullitthughes
The ENTJ loves a good challenge. They tend to see life as one great competition—there is much to do and much to be conquered—and romance is no different.
Because of the ENTJs decisive, commanding personality, they usually find themselves in some sort of position of authority. And these positions—business, athletics, politics, or whatever catches their fancy—often take up most of their time. That said, ENTJs don’t typically feel like they have time for romance. Not that they don’t enjoy it. They do. They just seek out the highest level of efficiency for their lives as possible. So, in the beginning phases of a romance, the framework for the relationship is usually laid out and strictly adhered to. Casual dating is typically viewed as an inefficient use of their time. Sure, they’ll go on dates for fun. But rarely will an ENTJ dive into something serious unless they see the long term benefits to such a relationship.
Now, keeping all these factors in mind, the ENTJ typically seeks out one characteristic above all else in a potential mate: competency. They are driven, blunt, and sharp. They need someone who can keep pace with their formidable personalities. Someone self-sufficient and able to step back and let them do their thing. Neediness disgusts them. Rarely is a relationship tolerated where a partner exhibits this kind of weakness. Thus, it takes someone with especially high self-esteem to get along with the ENTJ, able to dish it out as well as take it. But the ENTJ is not the sort to be bothered by being challenged. In fact, they like it. To them, as long as the arguments make sense, that means the other person is strong.
It may sound like the ENTJ is too tough-minded to get along with in a romantic setting. Oddly enough, when someone does catch the ENTJs eye—someone that meets their stringent standards—they tend to treat them far differently than the average acquaintance. They can express a tenderness that rivals a Feeler, showering them with compliments and thoughtful romantic gifts. But this is reserved only for that special person. And it’s true, their loved one usually does feel special. It’s not uncommon for an ENTJ to speak forcefully to someone and then turn right around and be kind and gentle to whoever it is they care for.
That said, the tenderness often vanishes when it comes to conflict. For the ENTJ, conflict is looked at like another form of competition. When a partner brings up something that has bothered them, the ENTJ has trouble not wanting to win the argument. They seek out the flaws in what their partner has said—large or small—and usually try to establish their own stance…Even if they don’t necessarily disagree with what their partner is saying. That’s because ENTJs are one of the few personalities that actually enjoy a good debate. Their partner can feel extremely hurt when this happens. Before, they might have felt special and unique in the ENTJs eyes. Now, they feel just like everyone else—prey to the ENTJs strong, seemingly unemotional, rough nature.
Fortunately, the ENTJ can turn it off when they realize that the conversation is of a more serious note. But it usually takes some practice for them to let the ‘win’ go and reach this level of understanding. Unfortunately, this might not happen until the ENTJ has brought their loved one to tears, often feeling confused themselves because they felt like they were just having a nice conversation.
When it comes to sex, ENTJs tend to march to the beat of their own drum. They have their own set of criteria they adhere to while shrugging off conventional standards. Now, what that criteria is depends on what they decide fits who they want to be. They might be deeply religious, strictly adhering to the principles of their faith. Or, if decided upon in advance, they can be less than firm in the area of chastity, able to separate the emotion from the action. Now, that’s not to say they’re loose. Usually, ENTJs tend to view lacking self-control with loathing, and therefore usually eschew being with others who have had multiple partners. Also, as a matter of pride, ENTJs want to feel like their partner views them as a cut above the rest. If sex is given out freely to whoever requests it, then there’s nothing special about them or the relationship.
If you happen to be interested in an ENTJ, be prepared to spar. Know this though: if they take time to debate with you, it’s usually because they respect you. They’re not simply being argumentative. Be aware that the ENTJ tends to get wrapped up in work. Don’t be afraid to tell them you want to spend time with them directly as subtle hints usually get brushed off.
If you are an ENTJ, remember that not everyone enjoys debate quite as much as you might. Be flexible in an argument; be willing to say that you were wrong rather than trying to find the flaws in their logic. Remember to appreciate your positive characteristics: your strong will, leadership, directness, and, when you want to be, your extraordinarily loving personality.