The ENFP: Sex, Dating, and Love


February 1, 2016 by philipbullitthughes

imagesFor the ENFP, love presents its own list of challenges. ENFPs are warm, friendly, gregarious, charming, and they are not just flirtatious—they are good at it. They have an almost supernatural ability to make those around them feel special, able to keenly pinpoint a person’s strengths while downplaying their flaws. Not only is their eye trained on the positive, but when they discover a person’s caliber they do not hesitate to shower them with compliments. Thus, ENFPs don’t usually struggle with garnering interest from a variety of types.

Now you might think the ENFPs compliments, if so vast dispersed, must be insincere. Not at all. They see people as their highest priority, wanting to make the world a better place by leading them toward self-actualization. But the problem is that in the dating realm, many people believe them to be interested in them romantically when they are simply trying to be kind. Thus, ENFPs often find themselves at the receiving end of a date proposal or confession of love when they had no intention for their compliments to be taken as an invitation. And because ENFPs absolutely hate hurting people’s feelings, they typically say yes, even when they know they shouldn’t—especially because casual dating is not something they enjoy.

images (2)It should be noted, however, that ENFPs aren’t some sort of crazy love-magnets, able to cast their spell on whom they will. True, they are amiable and fun, but a lot of the romantic interest they receive isn’t typically wanted. Like all Idealists, they want that special someone, and while they might go on a few dates with a variety of people, they’ll eschew commitment until someone—usually bright, creative, and deep—catches their eye.

When the ENFP finally does develop a real and sincere attachment, they fall hard and fast. If the ENFPs ability to see the good in everyone is their greatest strength, it can also be is their greatest weakness. For they tend to cast their interest in the cloak of virtue, seeing them as special, unique, and infallible. But when the relationship wears on and the cloak inevitably falls off, flaws are revealed and the ENFP can be stricken by hard truths and their love interest will tumble from the pedestal on which they have been placed. This can be incredibly difficult for their loved one. They have felt special and revered for so long that when the ENFP suddenly changes their perspective, it can be a hard blow to their self-worth. That said, the ENFP has a capacity for unconditional love few other types possess, and if the relationship is healthy, they can usually move forward. However, if the relationship is unhealthy (yes, this trait can cause ENFPs to find themselves in abusive relationships, emotional and physical) this is usually when it meets its demise.

download (1)Because the ENFP has such a variety of interests, it often takes them more time to figure out who they want to be in life. They often flit from one venture to the next, remaining undecided longer than most. To the more structured type, it can make them appear indecisive. True, ENFPs may not be the most scheduled type, but they are usually widely talented. It’s not so much about being indecisive as it is that they can’t figure out where to employ their abilities. Because of the ENFPs need to take their time in deciding major life decisions—where to live, career, etc.—it is in their best interest to wait awhile before diving into a serious relationship. Many ENFPs find marriage most successful if they wait until they are a bit older to settle down.

As with most things in life, ENFPs don’t usually have much of a filter. They are free and open, and very difficult to embarrass. That said, when it comes to sex, they are free-thinkers. They talk about it openly—joke, tease, and (much to the mortification of their partner) often talk about the bedroom without batting an eye. That is not to say that they are loose. Usually, ENFPs want sex to be a soulful communion; a deep meaningful experience. They are eager to please and want their partner to enjoy it as much as they do—if not even more so. The only thing is, they just don’t have much of a problem talking openly about it with most people, and even enjoy making others uncomfortable with their light-heartedness.

downloadIf you happen to be interested in an ENFP, remember to give them a wide berth. They are sometimes difficult to peg down and are usually overcommitted to various projects. Be ready to be flexible and free. Show them lots of appreciation—cards, kind words, hugs, tokens of your affection, and the like. If you are in a relationship with an ENFP and you notice that they tend to be affable to others, do not take it personally. Just because they compliment someone does not mean they are attracted to them; they are just trying to be nice.

If you are an ENFP, remember to take your commitments seriously. If you told a date you are going to be there at a certain time, try your best to be there when you said you would be. Most of the types you are attracted (and whom you attract) would like things to be a little more scheduled. Be careful who you compliment. While you might think you’re just being nice, they may take it the wrong way. But above all, remember to appreciate your strengths: you’re creativity, individualism, optimism, curiosity, and friendliness. Your kindheartedness and willingness to work through issues draws others to you and usually leads to great success when it comes to love.

17 thoughts on “The ENFP: Sex, Dating, and Love

  1. margecake says:

    1 enfp approved! 🙂 very true

  2. […] philipbullitthughes For the ENFP, love presents its own list of challenges. ENFPs are warm, friendly, gregarious, […]

  3. t says:

    I love this series! Keep em coming! 🙂

  4. Chris says:

    Very accurate analysis of an ENFP like me. Something to add…the three main killers of a relationship with me:

    1) Boredom – I need stimulation and surprises. Falling into a monotony and routine makes it feel like you are just going through the motions with me.

    2) Lack of affection – I give you every ounce of love and affection I have and need you to reciprocate in kind.

    3) Dictatorships – My friends are a major part of my life and I want to insert you into that group. Don’t try to dictate who I can and can’t be friends with.

  5. Very good! Nailed me 100% especially when it comes to hating casual dating! I’ve also been told by my brothers I can’t say certain things to guys cause they take it the wrong way…even when I mean nothing by it. ENFP!

  6. bigL says:


    Awesome page and everything is so true in the text. I’ve just broken up with my such an awesome bf… And I hate that I feel quite okay. I am an ENFP for life and I know I am quite easy to like (heh, hopefully I don’t sound too self-centred).
    He is not doing so great and not sure if there is anything I could do for him…

    • Best thing you can do for anyone after ending a relationship is, as counter-intuitive as it may seem, is leave them alone. A breakup is hard, and as bad as it is at first, giving them a chance to heal is what’s best. I suggest being friendly, but separating as best as you can. Hope that helps!

  7. Siwen Tang says:

    very true : P

  8. Siwen Tang says:

    omg this is soooo true! the three killers!

  9. Kimberly says:

    That’s fucking true. I am an ENFP what you said is fucking real.

  10. Natalie says:

    So true! I’m an ENFPand find it comforting that there are men and women alike with the same challenges. Thanks for sharing. I’d be interested to know what other ENFP partners are from successful relationships and why?

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