The INFJ: Sex, Dating, and Love

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April 25, 2014 by philipbullitthughes

It’s time to take a break from the usual post and do something different. I’ve had quite a few requests to do a post on love and dating for the INFJ, and so here it is. If you have any requests for a type you’d like to see addressed, please leave them in the comment section below.

imagesDating for the INFJ can be especially challenging. Not because they are tough to get along with. It’s actually quite the opposite. INFJs have arguably the greatest capacity of all the types for depth, love, soulfulness, empathy, and have a strong desire to share their rich inner lives with their significant other.

But it’s these aspects of their personality that cause the Idealist so much grief in their search for a mate. For the INFJ, they almost never date casually or play the field. They have to feel a bond that takes time to cultivate. But once that bond is established, the INFJ will freely give themselves, heart and mind, to their significant other. The problem is, most other types, especially the SJs and the SPs, do not possess the INFJs need for soul sharing, and while they might try to listen dutifully to the INFJs flights of imagination, they tend to not fully understand what the INFJ means by soulful bonding, often leaving the INFJ disappointed and reaching. Thus, the INFJ tends to only find their mate through a series of trial and error, and they may have to date multiple people, going through a cycle of painful breakups before they find “the one.”  For the INFJ, such breakups can leave their sensitive and complex personality deeply wounded, and at times they vow not to date anyone for an extended period of time until they are fully healed.

holding handsNow it’s important to note that that while the INFJ, like any type, has its struggles when dating, they are one of the few types that can get along all the other types, for they tend to give themselves to the study of the person of interest in detail, figuring out their likes and dislikes, sacrificing their own needs for their sake. Thus, other types tend to be naturally attracted to them—their air of mystery and kind heartedness—and thus, even though they might decide to give up on love, they often find themselves being pursued, and true to their romantic nature, they open back up as time wears on. And once the INFJ finds someone of any type that appreciates them for who they are, the bond experienced between the two is truly a special thing. Their significant other will find unconditional love, a gifted listener, and a support system that few other types can give.

As far as actual dates are concerned, INFJs enjoy physical activities and social gatherings to a degree, but when it comes to romance, they much prefer sitting one-on-one with their interest in a quiet place where the two of them can share their thoughts and ideas. They enjoy seeing movies, going to art museums, poetry, plays, novels, and the like, but unlike some who merely wish to be entertained, the INFJ wants to discuss and explore what it meant to them personally.

power-of-a-hugIn regards to sex, the INFJ often feels divided. On one hand, they insist that sex must be an expression of love rather than lust, and will almost never engage in it casually. They wish for sex to be a communion of the souls, a life-long bond between them and their mate. To them, even the word sex might seem crude, and love elevates the relationship to a higher plain. But make no mistake, the INFJ highly responsive to physical beauty and sexual attraction, and for all their other-worldliness, they make passionate and warm mates.

Oddly, some INFJs can be given to spells of hot and cold when it comes to love making. They tend to not enjoy public displays of affection, and wish to be in the mood, and to choose when the expressions of love take place. One minute they may be warm and inviting, while the next standoffish, which can be quite confusing to their mates. Still, despite their seeming fluctuations, the INFJ is a very physically affectionate mate.

If you enjoyed reading, please leave a comment, like, and subscribe. If you have any topics you’d like explored, feel free to suggest them. I look forward to your requests!

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108 thoughts on “The INFJ: Sex, Dating, and Love

  1. thenarcissistwrites says:

    Interesting! I’m ENTP, if you do one of these on that personality link me 🙂

  2. Cinnamon dreams says:

    As an INFJ, I recognize my agony in your description. Even before knowing the person, I will size them up in every aspect before proceeding. Discussing theories and sharing my insight with others is crucial to me, so you can imagine my frustration when I talk about something dear to me, and the person doesn’t seem to share my enthusiasm. Perhaps this trait is what makes us 1%; we would deliberate until the end of the world and die without procreating, heh.

    • Your insight is extremely amusing. A lot of my INFJ friends have expressed the same sentiment, especially with the need to explore every figurative nook and cranny of a person before proceeding with a relationship. Thanks for the comment!

  3. Thanks for this post! I write a blog about INFJs and introverts, so I shared your post on my Twitter and Facebook page. Nice work on describing the INFJ and some of our dating/relationship challenges!

  4. Isabelle says:

    Hi! I’m an INTJ, but a lot of what you said makes sense to me. Thanks for helping me understand – me – a little better 🙂

  5. pijarfajar says:

    Reblogged this on Komposisi Kehidupan Kennissa and commented:
    Persis!!

  6. Ray says:

    Wow, sent shivers up my back. You nailed it. I’ve also been in a relationship with another INFJ and it was otherworldly in love and soul bonding & soul growth. Thanks for sharing your insights.

    Ray

  7. Celeste says:

    Hello! This was a very interesting read! Glad I came across your page. I’m interesting in finding out the ISFJ version! 🙂

  8. Celeste says:

    This is a very interesting read! Glad I came across your page. Would be really interested in reading the ISFJ version of this! 🙂

  9. Tiemi Tamura says:

    I’m am myself an INFJ, I can only say it’s very accurate!

  10. chococat says:

    It’ll be great if you can do one for INFP!

  11. LovingSingle says:

    Love is powerful. Am always coming back to love

  12. Shaw says:

    I like!!

  13. Thank you for posting!! I am married to an ISTP, and this really hits the nail on the head.

  14. Also, I was wondering if you have any info on the INFJ (female)-ISTP (male) relationship? We just discovered our types a few months ago, but there doesn’t seem to be much info out there on the dynamics of it, how to overcome the challenges, how to help each other grow, etc. In reading about our individual types, they describe us to a T and it’s obvious why would clash at times. Thank you! 🙂

  15. Charity says:

    True. So, so true. If I don’t have that soulful bond, I stop dating someone, because I can’t visualize our future life together the way it currently is. Nicely captured.

  16. Pei says:

    I’m an INFJ and this reasonate with me totally! Thank you for this article as it gives such an accurate glimpse into the mind of us.

  17. JMO says:

    I’m an INFJ… was an INTJ when I was younger. I just started entering the dating scene, and met a very exciting ENTP, and I’m obsessed with learning more about him. I feel sick to my stomach, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. Is this normal for an INFJ. I just really want to go back to normal and forget this person…

    • Hello!

      Yes, it is fairly normal for an Idealist, especially an INFJ to experience powerful emotions like this. So don’t feel like the odd one out! But a big part of this is due to being ‘out of practice’ so to speak, and not having the control over one’s emotions like you might have had in the past.

      If this person hasn’t expressed interest in return, the only real way to get over them is time and distance. It’s tough for an INFJ, especially since they are prone to idealizing and even obsessing, as you say. The strange thing is such heavy interest on your part might cause the guy to distance himself. So a good thing to do might be to ease away from him (counter intuitive, I know, but trust me it will help.)

      Lastly, remember that your emotions do not control you. You control them. You may experience great joy, sorrow, love, etc. but try not to let them dictate your actions. It’s tough. Being an ENFJ I share much of your pain. But it’s really the only way to get what you truly want–commitment and love.

      Hope this helps!

  18. Danielle says:

    This article is every true! I’m and INFJ. And I find it VERY HARD to date in this society. I’m very attractive, just turned 30, no kids and educated/independent. However, finding a partner has been the most difficult path for myself bc I’m do different. I want something true, a bond, not superficial or just a relationship based on sex. Sex is nice but I crave intimacy on the inside with a partner. I just hope the right man finds me soon.

    • Really glad you enjoyed it! INFJs are arguably one of the deepest, if the not THE deepest personalities. It might take awhile to find a person who has the same ideas, but settling can lead to disappointment and a Pygmalion Project (trying to mold that person into what you want.) So I think it’s great that you’re taking your time.

  19. Lyn!arie says:

    I enjoyed this article! I am INFJ Friends with INTJ for twenty years (dated 20 years ago but kept in touch and finally connected again as friends). Very much attracted to him but after reading both personalities it’s understandable how we can not connect.

  20. Summer says:

    Not sure if it’s possible but perhaps you could an e/isfj? 🙂

  21. INFJgirl says:

    Hey, I am an INFJ and I totally agree on what you write here.
    It is also very heartwarming to know that I’m not being weird to really weigh every aspect of someone before pursuing a romantic relationship (yeah, I have people telling me that a lot, so I was quite disheartened)
    Not that I’m looking down on casual relationships and the blind dates. I just know that it is not for me.
    And I’m so glad to see other posts by fellow INFJ because it lets me know that it’s not only me who longs for that deep connection I am still looking for 🙂

    • Hi INFJgirl :),

      I am actually an ENFJ, but I appreciate your compliment nonetheless. My mother is an INFJ, though. So I do have some insight into your world other than mere speculation. And it really does help to know there are people out there that understand you!

  22. Viagenziana says:

    Your description is so insightful and accurate. I am an INFJ who recently went through a breakup with an INTJ, and it was a very painful experience. It’s comforting to realize that my experience, though pretty typical for an INFJ, and is not easily understood from an outsider’s perspective.

  23. MerakiGirl says:

    I am an INFJ, involved with an INFP and I can corroborate almost all that you say! It’s quite striking to see my thoughts and feelings so concisely written – by someone else!
    I battle a great deal to make sense of why I feel the way I do – finding out I am an empath was a thunder and lightning moment for me – all in my early thirties!
    I battled to understand myself my whole life and now I have found an INFP and the connection is truly astounding. We joke that we have found movie love that we both never thought existed for either of us.
    I am so pleased to have stumbled across your blog!
    Thank you for your post!

    • Thank you so much for your kind words. An interesting fact: out of all the types, INFJs tend to be the greatest number of empaths. The INFJ and INFP relationship should work out really well, especially since you relate on so many levels. The J and the P can balance you both out. 🙂

  24. M_INFJ says:

    Thank you so much for your post. I’m an INFJ, and when I’m out in the dating world, I sometimes start to question myself…why don’t people get me…am I crazy? It’s nice to read something that makes me feel like I’m not alone in this world. You really captured how I feel. Thanks for taking the time to help the INFJ’s feel a little more connected…and normal. (Also, this is the first time I’ve read all the notes on a blog/article and not been completely disappointed in society. Comments usually spiral into arguments so quickly; however, you have a lot of kind followers.)

  25. ESTP says:

    Can you please write something about the INFJ and ESTP pairing. INFJ being a male and an ESTP being female. There isn’t a lot written about this type of pairing.

    • Hi!

      You know, it’s actually a very unusual pairing. However, the ENTP and INFJ pairing is quite common, so I might look that up to see if one of you is mistyped. Of course I am not saying you are! Just something to look in to.

      Real quickly though. ESTPs and INFJs can make an excellent pairing in that they are exact opposites, and thus can find a great deal of balance if they choose to die to their own needs and focus on the other person. However, a common pitfall might be the INFJ wanting more depth in the relationship and the ESTP not understanding what they want. On the flip side, the ESTP might want the INFJ to lighten up and join in the fun, and the pressure might be too much for the INFJ.

      If you have any questions more specifically I’d be happy to respond!

  26. Hum says:

    WOWWWW… I recognize sooo much of ‘my’ recently ‘lost’ INFJ.
    Could you please, please, please make such wonderful observations on ENFJ too…Please… thats me… AND you yourself… soo, should be a piece of cake??!!! :-):-)

    • Haha, thank you so much! Yes, the ENFJ is similar in a lot of ways. Eventually I plan on doing one for everyone, so stay tuned!

      • Hum says:

        Dear Philip,
        I absolutely will stay tuned!!
        ENFJ first please, (but then again… “the first shall be the last and the last shall be the first…”; enfj trait?!)
        I will be patient…. :-):-)

        Could you someday maybe also tell me what you would read when someone was to be 50%E – 50%N – 50% F – 50%J…
        Total identity crisis??!
        I just took a test for the 10th time or so in 25 years. I always come out ENFJ (75-62-90-71) BUT… this time enfP…! is it possible to actual shift from J to P? I recognize a lot op P next to my J (I remember also in my early years > I am from 1956).
        Concerning my N or S uncertainty I found some help in your article on the dragon vs pegasus… Thx. Is there maybe a specific testset to determine N or S.?

        My recent ex INFJ girlfriend, I am still in communication with, was wondering if you could say something regarding the wish for soulcontact between INFJ – ENFJ???
        She broke up because she has to go for 100%. With me she can only get to 99%.
        The 1% is her absolute need for sharing her intense involvement with the spirits and spirituality.
        For me the relationship already felt 100%. But altough I am truly spiritual too, I don’t want anything with spirits, before- and afterlives, divinity. I know its all there, including aliens existence, for sure…! I just can’t do anything with that, i don’t want to give any meaning to that… I choose that I want people themselves to be responsible for that one and only chance to live their lifetime. No god(s) or angels.
        I don’t need/want to talk about this ‘earthly’ approach but it will obviously show up in everything I do. To me it is not a big thing. It’s merely like just one deviation from two paths sharing a wonderful long crossroad. I don’t mind that 1%. To me it’s just a matter of personal approach/opinion. BUT, I 100% realize that her 1% must feel like 99%. Therefor I can only say she is really doing the right thing by braking up… for HER… AND eventually for me. Ofcorse there was heartache (“I don’t ‘have’ my GF anymore…”) but ‘live goes on’!
        And so it does…(almost)immediately.
        Does this sound like ENFJ or ENFP to you??!

        Sooo sorry for the many words, I trully wanted to keep it short… but I decided to leave it all here for you to read.
        Thank you for your most clarifying insights, it really is nice to listen to someone else for a change. No own brain cracking… just nodding ‘yes’ all the time…
        Deeepest respect for all your effort.

        Thank you soo much.

        Hum

      • Hum,

        I think you definitely sound like an ENFx. You have a lot of gusto!

        It sounds to me like your ex-girlfriend is into a faith that you’re not as on board with. Personally, I believe what the Bible teaches, and so I think it’s important to be equally yoked to the person your differences becomes an area of tension and thus might become divisive. It sounds like you both understand that, and as painful as a breakup is it also sounds like you made the right decision.

        As far as writing is concerned, I haven’t been very consistent lately at writing on any of the types (we are in busy season at work so it’s pretty impossible to invest time.) But I plan on going back to my weekly posts sometime in January, so the ENFJ will be a part of that soon!

        As always, thank you for your comment! I look forward to hearing more from you soon.

        Philip

      • Hum says:

        Hey Philip, to me you are a miracle worker… still finding time for all your kind reactions. Maybe one day you’ll leave your old job and become a fulltime MBTI expert?!
        I look forward to your new year posts (on ENFJ/P of course). Take care and don’t forget about yourself. 🙂 🙂

      • Thanks so much. If only I could! That would be a blast. Unfortunately, there’s not much money to be made in my field of expertise! In the mean time I’ll just continue to blog.

        You take care as well!

  27. Julia says:

    Oh my goodness, this article makes a lot of sense. I’m an INFJ and for years and still, I’ve struggle to find an ideal companionship (other half). Thoughts there is something wrong with me and that I’m too picky but the truth is, noone was ever able to understand or made that deep connection. Just worried that noone ever will and i’m getting old. Now 29, no children, with a diploma and degree and a fulfilling career but noone to share it with. 😦

    • Hi Julia,

      It’s not easy to establish meaningful relationships. I’m sorry it’s been tough to find one. It does sound like you have found a lot of fulfillment in your career though! I think as Idealists we do tend to hold out for depth and beauty in our significant other. Sometimes it takes awhile but the rewards are often worth the wait!

      On the flip side, it’s important to remember that all people are fallible. It’s been a tough road for me because I kept waiting for the perfect person to come along only to realize that all people are deeply flawed. It’s a lot of picking your poison.

      Good luck and God bless.

  28. As an INFJ, my greatest downfall in love is my inability to regard downfall as anything other than absolutely proof of the validity of my purpose. To put it another way, it’s only through great pain that great music can be made.

    If I had to sum up what I’ve felt about my love life, it’s that I am even as a guy, caught up in a running Sidney Sheldon novel. As the lead woman. There is no gender conflict at work here. I have no sexuality conundrums. It is about the passion and the emotion. The being swept off one’s feet and completely held hostage to and by something that does not make sense, is not expedient, is not practical, that is in fact even counter to rationality. This is the only thing that brings true passion and satisfaction for me. The only time love and desire feel authentic. The male in such novels never experiences this – it is the sole territory of the women in such stories, and so it is with them that I identify.

    I am I guess a good looking guy. Or at least I was at one time. At 43, I have only had so-called “casual sex”, or a one night stand, once. My relationships have been long term and I have never been with a woman who would be considered “average” or even “above average”. They have all been extremely attractive. Before you think I am bragging, understand that after all this time, I have realized this is probably the worst thing that could have happened to a person like me. Attraction to all of these women made sense. There was nothing to discover, nothing mysterious. Nothing to love “in spite of”. This is desolation for my spiritual and emotional self.

    As a result, all of my relationships have been with so called “wounded birds”. Where there was nothing on the outside to defy and surrender to, these women had something inside that should have red flagged them but which instead formed the most irresistible force imaginable. And they all were acutely aware of their flaws. My motto for them was, what do you wish you could change about yourself, because its this that makes my wanting you specifically, so “on purpose”.

    Now my “weird” has gotten even more purposeful. I find myself even more passionately attracted to average or nondescript women than I ever could really attractive women because the former allow so much room for my emotions and spirit to “discover” what it is about them that makes them uniquely attractive. The smaller and more intricate the detail, the more I love to find it. And the difference with women of that type is, they will let me show it to them and roll around in it until the stars burn out. This is the real emotional and spiritual bond I look for but rarely find. Being in love with letting others know they make me want to be in love.

    Most just don’t want to be that profound. I haven’t the slightest idea why.

  29. Brett Slagell says:

    Just found out that I am an INFJ, and it has explained so much, its nice to know that I am not the only one out there like this.

  30. spamwise says:

    I love how you wrote this without specifying a specific gender, THANK YOU! (INFJ male)

  31. Idk why but I cried reading this. You successfully described my relationship journey. I wish I knew then that I was INFJ. Anyways great job on the article I believe it helps confused INFJs 😉

  32. ENTPlady says:

    Such a great read!

    I am an ENTP female and I got attracted to this INFJ guy. He drives me crazy. Although I find him weird most of the time because he is very quiet and he does not say his thoughts. It is very difficult for me to figure out what he really wants. But I’m still sticking around. Sometimes I feel that he has feelings for me as well because he takes me to beautiful places, and he is affectionate when it’s only the two of us in the room. But sometimes I feel that he is indifferent because he does not message me as often as other guys do.

    How do I get his attention?

    Thank you 🙂

  33. Halo says:

    Its been a month since i found out that i’m an INFJ. It has immensely helped me to understand myself as nobody else seems to. At times not even my own parents seems to get me. I think that i’ve never in my life felt deeply connected to anyone and guys are out of the question for me now. After i was let down by him. The first guy i ever trusted. He acted like i’ve never existed. I don’t think i’ll ever be ready to trust again. Its just a matter of time since my parents start talking about my marriage after my sister’s in January. I already know that everyone acts like that i’m some kind of weirdo who doesn’t fit into their normal people equation (not that i blame anyone ever) i know its just me.The truth is that i’m not ready for marriage and i fear that if i couldn’t be able connect with my future husband, my life would be over cause in depressing situations i often get sucidal thoughts. whenever i say to my mother that just focus on my sister’s marriage and that i’m not ready for mine in the future she doesn’t seem to get how serious it is.
    This is the first time i ever opened up about my problems and actually written it on site. if anyone have a suggestion it would be greatly appreciated and please no harsh comments.

    Thank you for reading.

  34. Marie says:

    As an INTP who isn’t that introverted, I find myself attracted to INFJs but there is something in them that frustrates me … I can`t point it but maybe seriousness? So I tend to run to a more easygoing type every now & then

  35. KC says:

    Fantastic article Philip, I truly appreciate you taking the time to write this. I am an INFP male who has recently fallen quite hard for an INFJ. The relationship is still in the very beginning stages, but I’ve been reading around in an effort to better understand where she is coming from, and the best ways I can connect with her. Your article has been incredibly insightful! The more I learn about the INFJ type, the more I am convinced that we have a chance at being able to share a relationship and a connection that is truly special and profound. Thanks for sharing!

  36. Ngan says:

    I am an INFJ and this fits me perfectly. I dont need to change any words in this post. Thank you for such a wonderful writing!

  37. Kat says:

    I used to be an INTJ that sometimes read INTP. But I recently learned that I’m an INFJ. Not sure when this changed, but it is most definitely true. Have been eating up everything on INTJ because of this new discovery. This describes me so well that it made me cry. Was dumped at the end of June. It had only been going on for 4 months, but it was such a soul-bearing, deep relationship that I really gave my all to. Now I feel so empty and sad and can’t stop thinking about him. This explains a lot of why.

    • I am really glad this gave you some insight. I must say, INFJs are deep feelers and often take time to heal. The good news is, it does get better. I know your initial reaction might be to never let yourself be vulnerable again…But don’t let that keep you from a relationship that might pay off in the end. Keep going! 🙂

  38. Lily says:

    how in the world do you understand me so well? this is creepy. i’m leaving the Internet. This was too weird. Goodbye.

    • Haha! My mom is an INFJ and we’re pretty close. So that helps. Also, I’ve dedicated myself to this stuff. But I hope you don’t really leave the internet forever…However, I realize you’re an INFJ, and thus are likely speaking in hyperbole 😉

  39. Niki says:

    As a INFJ… This speaks volume to me. Even when I think I can have something casual, I cannot go through with it. Some people tend to think I’m confused about what I want but I am definitely not. I just cannot do casual dating like many of my friends. I have to have a deep connection. I refuse to be in meaningless relationship though what I perceive as that might be their best. Settling is never an option. The complexity of my brain. I’ve tried getting out of it but it’s engrained in me there’s no changing it. I’ve learn to be more understanding and not dislike myself because I am not like everyone else but it took a long time to get there knowing and accepting that I am different than most.

  40. enigmatic_prism says:

    Thank you for posting! It is interesting to hear other people’s views on us INFJs.

    “And once the INFJ finds someone of any type that appreciates them for who they are, the bond experienced between the two is truly a special thing. Their significant other will find unconditional love, a gifted listener, and a support system that few other types can give.”

    Female INJF here, and this really stuck out to me. I am often pursued and enjoy the attention at times, but I will not allow anything to develop if there is no connection on multiple levels, such as mental and physical (even spiritual to some degree). I won’t let it go on for long and am quite direct. However, once I truly feel connected and accepted for all of my many layers, which is so unique and appreciated, I will drop any other distractions and focus on this amazing connection. As an INFJ in a committed relationship, I value my partner and am an excellent resource on multiple levels. My authenticity provides a great base for partnership because I mean what I say and empathize when things may not ideal. I will give whatever I can to my partner and mold my actions based on his need, all while maintaining individualization and beliefs.

    One thing that hinders me at times in a relationship is if I am not feeling connected, I can come off as distant, cold, or standoffish. In honesty I am normally stuck in my head trying to distinguish between my head and my heart, which can be a struggle much of the time. Unfortunately this can even happen with those I am close to though not often. Those I have let in on a deeply consistent level know me quite well and can recognize any of these occurrences. Thankfully I am an extremely self-aware INFJ who can normally spot this loss of connection and use my secret tools to get back on track. If not, I really crave a partner who is intuitive as well.

    • Thank you so much for your insight! I am glad you enjoyed the article.
      My guess is that many INFJs feel the same way you do, and I am sure they will appreciate reading about your experiences. Being self-aware is so important to being healthy. Knowing that you have a tool belt to help you rise out of difficult situations is such a life-saver. Thanks again for sharing!

  41. I’m in agreement with enigmatic_prism. It’s difficult to sort out the ideal/heart from the pragmatic/brain when it comes to relationships. My preference often is the solitude rather than accept less than what I appreciate in a partner. And yes, ENTP is sparkly for us INFJ’s, but the superficial-ness is too hard to accept when that independent inner life is so important.
    Thanks for your articles, they’re great!

    • I am really glad you enjoy them! Thank you for the kind words.

      Superficiality is a big no-no for INFJs. Even though the ENTP is attractive, it’s a common pitfall. You should check out the ENTP post I just wrote. It delves into this!

  42. Dia says:

    I need to thank you for writing me so well…it means a lot to now I am not alone in this life despite my feelings of loneliness that has been weaved into the fabric of my being.

    One day soon…I hope.

  43. Adria Fabrega (INFJ) says:

    To say “SJs” and “SPs” isn’t the same? hehe. Hugs!

  44. Bello says:

    I love love love this article about INFJ among all i have read so far. This really resonates my dating principles that no one understood. I’ve only been with one guy before which lasted 6yrs but then he died, which caused me to be in solitude for years (he died when i was 20 i’m now 28) but i’m really happy that i met my current boyfriend. He understood me more than i can understand myself and has been(and is still) patient with me. He was the one who told me to know what my MBTI is. He’s an INTJ and though i’ve read comments about the two not really working out, i’ve also read elsewhere that INFJ-INTJ are the “golden couple”. We understand the need for alone time and we have the same interests. I still think i’m on the fence between INTJ and INFJ.

    • You know, I think that people who say certain types can’t be together are really being short-sighted. All types can work together if they seek to understand each other’s differences. That said, of course there are pitfalls for the INTJ and INFJ (socialization being one of them in this instance.) But overall, I’d say it’s a very successful pairing!

  45. Lauren says:

    I’m an INFJ. I am currently in a casual relationship with a good friend. Something I couldn’t do with an acquaintance, however I am still reluctant to completely open up to him. It does work quite well, as your article says we’re not big on public affection and enjoy private meetings rather than extremely social outings.

  46. Jacqueline Lea says:

    Wow! I’m an INFJ female and this was frighteningly accurate. Nice job!

  47. Janet says:

    This was interesting, especially since I’m dating an INFJ!! can you do one for ISFJ’s?

  48. 'Chelle says:

    INFJ female here – only learned this about myself a few years ago, and it has been very reaffirming. Like “Ah! No wonder I always feel like no one really truly gets me!” It’s fun to read all the comments here and see that this is true for all the other INFJs out there, too =)
    I am in the beginning of getting to a know an ENTP male…hoping it goes somewhere. Last night I was feeling very disheartened, and wondering if it were even possible for an introvert and extrovert to ever be close…so this morning I started researching. Haha! And I am feeling very encouraged. I was happily married for 12 years to an introvert, so the idea of being with an extrovert is totally foreign. Imagine my surprise at reading in multiple places that ENTP and INFJ are ideal matches. Very encouraging. I feel that the more I know about him, the more I can do to help this work….or at least give it a chance.
    Thanks for your research and care in writing these lovely descriptions. Spot on =)

  49. […] Source: The INFJ: Sex, Dating, and Love […]

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